Grandparents refuse to let their 3-year-old grandson take his Christmas and Birthday gifts home with him: 'They paid for it, it's theirs, they want him to have it at their home.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 12, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Not every gift is given out of the kindness of the giver's heart. Sometimes, they give gifts to make the recipient feel bad about themselves, as if they weren't deserving of a better gift. Many parents are not above giving one child an extravagant and expensive gift while giving their other child a gift that is so cheap and lacking in quality, it's almost comical. This is intended to communicate to the child that they are not as valuable or important as their sibling without actually saying it out loud. 

A kid shouldn't have to be grateful for a gift that gets taken away from them because of factors out of their control. If the kid is constantly misbehaving, that's one thing. But if adults use gift-giving to control and manipulate children into liking them, turning against their parents, or feeling inferior to their siblings, that is totally unacceptable. Children are people who deserve to be respected. They might not have all of the rights and privileges as adults, but there should be a lot more stigma in being cruel to them. 

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  • The little boy in this story deserves a lot better than what he's getting. His grandparents are giving him gifts for his birthday and Christmas that aren't really his. They won't let his parents take his new coat home because, according to them, it's their property. That's not how giving a gift works, and it seems like only his mother can understand that. 

  • A young boy sitting at a table with a puzzle
    via Mike Cox

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My in-laws sent my son home in a new jacket, but then took it back because it was THEIRS. I criticized this behavior. Am I the bad guy?

    The in-laws are very much the "we raised our kids, we're not raising yours" type. They're really not involved much, aside from taking my son for a few hours here and there, about twice a month. His face plastered all over their socials, pictures stolen from my posts because they're seldom around. I very much envy active grandparents. My parents are dead.
    via u/DisgruntledMeatball
  • Last night they watched him at their place and dropped him off. As they dropped him off, he arrived wearing a new jacket! Super cute, the in-laws were proud of it, boasting... Then they took it off if my son and said he can't keep it. They paid for it, it's theirs, they want him to have it at their home. But with how things
    via u/DisgruntledMeatball
  • are, he may not even wear this jacket again before he outgrows it. It's not like they take him to the park or anything. They absolutely do not help us with providing in any sense, like I didn't even get a baby shower.
    via u/DisgruntledMeatball
  • A group of people sitting around a white teddy bear at a gender reveal party
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I said nothing, until they left. Ultimately, my partner defends everything his parents do. Nothing new. I shouldn't have bothered saying anything. I know it's just a jacket, but this isn't anything new. Christmas and birthdays are another example, they'll gift him so much, but
    via u/DisgruntledMeatball
  • won't allow a single thing to go home. I'm then taking my son home as he's crying over gifts he doesn't get to play with. Then they complain about how things go unused, while they're the ones who want so little to do with any of us.
    via u/DisgruntledMeatball
  • There are no other children in the family, just my near 3 year old. The sister in law (30) lives in the home, has never had a partner and is the biggest recluse I know, but wants a child. The idea is that
    via u/DisgruntledMeatball
  • one day she'll have a baby through insemination, and raise it in the home with her parents, so really, everything that's bought for my son actually belongs to her non existent children.
    via u/DisgruntledMeatball
  • Attractive lady looking away and smiling while holding a cup of coffee and saucer
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • But I've told my partner I wish my mom wasn't dead... That despite how she abused me, I feel she'd be much more loving towards my son than she was with me, and more than his emotionally void mother.
    via u/DisgruntledMeatball
  • The in-laws have been emotionally abusive toward my partner and I, even demanding their son leave me while I was pregnant or they couldn't be his family anymore... So yeah, I can't see past that stuff. AITAH?
    via u/DisgruntledMeatball
  • Full Pace7666 Yeah at this point I would just say "don't get my son any gifts" NTA
    via u/Full_Pace7666
  • DrVL2 I might stop taking your child over for Christmas. If you do take him over for Christmas, don't let him open any gifts. And what on earth is wrong with your SO? How is he letting his parents treat his child this way? NTA
    via u/DrVL2
  • BlazingSunflowerland This! She needs to tell his parents that since they won't let her son have his gifts then they won't be opening them. If they truly were his gifts he would be allowed to take them home. Since they don't allow them to leave their house the gifts are theirs, for themselves. It is highly selfish and the child will become more and more resentful over his selfish grandparents. It would be better to not spend any time with them on holidays. Let them keep their selfish selves to th
    via u/BlazingSunflowerland
  • ChoreomaniacCat Selfish is the word for it. The grandparents aren't going to be wearing toddler-sized jackets or playing with little kids toys, so they're happy throwing money away on stuff that will sit unused in their house just so they get to exert control over their DIL, even if it means upsetting a little boy? They're disgusting.
    via u/ChoreomaniacCat
  • Seconding the suggestion of not even letting him touch the wrapped gifts because they're not actually gifts for him. Imagine a friend buying you a bottle of perfume or something, then telling you that you can only spray it on at their house. That's not a gift at all.
    via u/ChoreomaniacCat
  • Shdfx1 They shouldn't bring him to the in-laws for birthdays or Christmas. Whether he opens them, or just sees them, wrapped, with his name on it, the message is the same. It dangles gifts he's not worthy of having.
    via u/Shdfx1
  • I_wanna_be_anemone Why are you exposing your child to their emotional abuse? He's learning they only 'love' him when they can control him. He'll develop insecurities because 'his' gifts don't even belong to him. He's got no agency to his grandparents, he's just an accessory to them. That poor kid. NTA for calling it out. Y T A for letting it continue over years.
    via u/I_wanna_be_anemone
  • Disgruntled Meatball OP That's fair. I don't want my son around them at all, really. We're currently in couple's therapy, and may be separating (I left that out to try to focus on the jacket situation)
    via u/DisgruntledMeatball
  • Sufficient-Lie1406 I think you're right to be on the verge of separation. What parent allows their parents to mentally mess with their child??? Your husband, apparently...
    via u/Sufficient-Lie1406
  • ComparisonFlashy8522 Well if you do separate you can bet the in laws will be around your son the whole time he's got custody time with his dad. They'll be the ones involved in pickup and drop-off and they'll closely monitor all items being exchanged. Prepare to have 2 of everything, including schoolbags. Kid will probably have to change his clothes into a set of yours in the car before handover. My daughter had a friend who endured that for years.
    via u/ComparisonFlashy8522
  • llamafull98 Document everything all of these events maybe if you get a good lawyer they can fight for your child so that he never has to interact with your in- laws again
    via u/llamafull98
  • Head-Emotion-4598 First thing that I would do would be to block your MIL on seeing pictures on your social media, so she can't used them without permission. Yes, it's petty but she also needs to be asking your first. Second, you say that your husband always defends his parents; what does he say about them keeping your son's gifts? Is his sister the favorite and he's just so desperate to get approval that he's ok with his son crying because of them? Nothing will get better until you two are on th
    via u/Head-Emotion-4598
  • Disgruntled Meatball OP Mother in law actually blocked me at one point, and had her son send every picture I posted directly to her... Yes, there's clearly a lot of BIG issues. I'm trying.
    via u/DisgruntledMeatball

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family drama gifts toddler toys kids toddlers grandma grandchildren dad Grandpa family grandparents grandson mom son parents children
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